It has been a while since my last blog post. In saying that, I feel I forgot why I made this blog, which was to write from the heart about any and every thing, and I became to focused on waiting for a provocative idea to hit me to catch the interests of others. So todays blog is going to me just kind of talking about where I'm currently at in life and if someone can relate, hopefully they can find refuge in knowing they're not alone in their thoughts.
This past semester has been rough on me. I've been under a lot of stress, but this stress has really been self-induced. I know what you are thinking, "He's probably been procrastinating a lot and screwing himself over that way." But no, that's not the case. In fact this semester I've been really good at getting assignments done early to have more time to fix them as the due dates approach. It's just unfortunately I've had a couple of grades on some assignments that have bummed me out, especially since I did put the time and effort into them. (Isn't that the worst? When you put a lot of time and effort into something, and it still falls short of your expectations.) Let me broaden this picture a little more though, so you can understand why I'm stressed and why these few assignments have something to do with it.
Last year was a rough year academically. Partially the schools fault, and partially my owns. Don't worry, I'm not going to try to play victim here. And because so, I fell short of my GPA requirement for my scholarship at the end of the year. The school decided that instead of taking away my scholarship, they would reduce it this year. Luckily I was able to get it back to whole upon appealing, but they notified me that if I missed my GPA requirement again at the end of this year that instead of reducing the scholarship again, they would just take it all away.
Knowing this, I BUSTED MY ASS last semester and KILLED IT (in a positive connotation) academically. Bringing my cumulative GPA to where it needed to be. Though all was good, it was BARELY good. I may have gotten my GPA where it needed to be, but only just slightly, I was hardly out of the woods entering this semester. So naturally I've been busting my ass this semester too. It's just this semester it doesn't seem to be paying dividends for me like last semester did. As I already said, I've been putting in a lot of time and effort on assignments and I still fell short on just a few, but I'm scared that few is somehow going to bite me in the ass come final grading time.
So, to be real for a moment, I've been going to bed every night for weeks now feeling scared, helpless, and alone. I just have this terrible feeling that my semester GPA is going to drop my cumulative just below the requirement. That I'm going to have a hiccup that takes it all away from me. And I CAN'T HAVE THAT. I keep imagining in my mind the day my parents say to me, "You can't go back to school in the fall. Without that scholarship, it's just not fiscally plausible. Call up the community college and get signed up." It would break my heart. I LOVE IT HERE at my school. It's my second home. Hell, sometimes when I'm back home, I will accidentally refer to where I'm at here as home, which breaks my mom's heart, but I don't do it on purpose, I swear. It just comes out by accident, like a curse word. BUT THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE MY SCHOOL! I've almost succumbed to crying when I think about having all of this taken from me. I wish I could go to my teachers and ask for like a break or something, but I get that that's not how life works, but if life could just hand me a moment of revival in hope, that would be great.
Now, as I already said, this blog post is me just trying to put pen to paper, figuratively, and clear my head. BUT if you can relate to any of what I said, then thats good as well, and I'd love to hear from. Because you don't have to be alone, I'm here to help. I love to help, and it may help me get back to to good by helping someone else. I'm out.
