Grandparents; they're supposed to be the fun "parents" while our actual parents play the role of "bad guy." They spoil us, teach us life lessons they've learned from the many years they've lived, and make sure we're good kids who don't worry our parents as much as we did. I never knew my grandfathers, but this at least this seems to be the kind of relationship I've had. But here's where it takes a sour left turn. This the kind of relationship I've had with only ONE of my grandmothers...I've had both in my life. And still have one of them, but it's the grandmother I don't have this relationship with.
Growing up, we've always been very close with my mother's side of the family. My dad's side is extremely small, and well, we're very estranged from them. The only one from his side we really ever see is his mother, our grandmother. Still, compared to the relationship we had with our grandmother on my mom's side, you could still make an argument that we ARE as estranged from my grandmother on my dad's as we are with the rest of his family.
See, we, my sisters and I, have never really enjoyed spending time with her. She's much more on the melancholy side of things; thriving on the morbid, negative, and pessimistic parts of life. Our other grandmother was not like this, she was fun, optimistic, outgoing. Naturally as kid this the latter is going to appeal to us. And with this appeal coinciding with seeing my dad's mom very little, we've grown up to have a mindset of not really wanting to spend time with her. AND IT SUCKS!
My grandmother on my mom's side has passed. But my father's is still here, BUT SHE'S 90 YEARS OLD. She doesn't have much longer to go. I mean, the doctors say she's as healthy as someone can be for that age, which is great news, but she's also at that age where things could change in the blink of any eye, and she'll be gone. And when that day comes, what will I have to look back at? Those Christmas eve nights spending time with my dad's family hoping the next day would come already to hang with my mom's side? Or those few other sporadic times over the course of each year where we would be with her and wishing we were elsewhere? Here is a woman who has done a lot more for me than I give her credit for, and I haven't really given her the time of day, my entire life.
It breaks my heart to say this, but the day she passes I probably will not cry. How do you? How do you cry for someone you've never really had a relationship with? Here's the kicker though. As I have gotten older, I have had the opportunity to make my own conscious decision to try and build a relationship with her, and I haven't. And now that she doesn't haven't much more time, and I know it, I SEVERELY regret not trying to build a stronger relationship with her. A prime example of you don't realize the mistakes you've made until it's too late to fix them.
So here's what I'm saying to/asking of you. If you can relate to this blog, if you have someone important in your life that you just don't have the best relationship with, FIX IT! Don't wait till they're close to death and there isn't enough time on the table. Because you don't want to live the rest of your life hurting over something that you could have avoided if you had just opened up your heart a little. This may not be easy, I understand, but it will be worth it. DON'T WAIT TILL IT IS TOO LATE!
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